Expendables 2 anyone?!?!?! It is known fact that this summer is the summer of movies, but what is everyone really looking forward to? This guy is looking forward to Expendables 2 (among other things), and these posters were just enough to spark my excitement a little bit more.
First up, let’s give credit where credit is due, these images all came from TrailerAddict.com, our favorite place for movie promos around these parts.
Now that we have that out-of-the-way, onto the goods! These are in no particular order, and I am only writing based on the poster. No research was done as far as the actual characters are concerned, and any plot predictions, or remarks should be taken with a grain of salt.
Expendables 2 Bruce Willis Poster
Bruce Willis – Expendables 2
This first mercenary should be very familiar to everyone, it is, in fact, Bruce Willis. If my predictions are correct, he will be fighting Jason Statham and Sly for the lead role in the group of mercenaries. All while laying down some serious firepower in a t-shirt and sports jacket. Because that’s just his style.
Expendables 2 Jason Statham Poster
Jason Statham – Expendables 2
Next up, we have Jason “I have an English accent” Statham. Like the last film, he is the bad-ass that will take the film. He attaches himself to no one and only worries about one thing, finishing the job.
Expendables 2 Stallone Poster
Sylvester Stallone – Expendables 2
Sylvester Stallone. I don’t have much for you. I can honestly only understand about half of what you say, and while you are in great shape, you are just getting too old for this shit man. We can appreciate the enthusiasm though.
Expendables 2 Jet Li Poster
Jet Li – Expendables 2
What does every action flick need? Explosions! But aside from that, they need a little guy that everyone underestimates with some serious kung-fu skills! That’s where Jet Li comes in.
Expendables 2 Chuck Norris Poster
Chuck Norris – Expendables 2
Why was Chuck Norris invited to play a role in the Expendables 2? Because he will roundhouse kick you in the back of the face that’s why! But seriously, how could you make the most incredible action movie ever without Chuck Norris?
Expendables 2 Van Damme Poster
Van Damme – Expendables 2
Cold hard truth time. I am not a Van Damme fan. He adds little to this film for me. Let’s forget this ever happened.
How did Randy Couture ever get into movies? I don’t have an answer, but he did awesome in the Expendables 1, and I am hoping for more of the same in the Expendables 2.
What is this wussbag doing here? You were written out of the first film Hemsworth! Take a hint!
Terry Crews. The token black guy. If movie stereotypes serve me correctly, he will most likely die first. However, ass hardcore as this guy is, I can guarantee he won’t be going to hell without bringing someone with him.
Finally, we have the hot chick. She adds little to the film aside from her good looks, and a guarantee you that they will have to get her out of trouble at least twice. Quite possibly 3 times. And she will probably get hurt very early in the film, and spend the rest of the movie being rescued. A necessary evil if you will.
There you have it, folks! Those are your Expendables 2, and politically incorrect micro-analyses (is that a word?) of their characters. Feel free to add your own captions and predictions in the comments! Stay tuned for future episodes of The Intermission Podcast where the Movie Guys talk about this and more!